365 Days

365 days have passed since Olivia was welcomed into this world.  365 days of all three of us, and Thor, getting to know one another in our new roles. 

Heading home from the hospital (12/9/2010)

72 hours old

This past year has been filled with so much learning.  Learning our new roles as mommy and daddy, and how that affects our relationship with one another.  Learning how to care for someone so new and innocent.  Learning to take each day one day at a time, some weeks.  Learning to literally try and keep another person alive.

365 days of growth. Growing as a parent and as a grown-up has been one of the biggest transitions imaginable.  My co-captain, Dave, has stepped up into his role as a father in ways I never imagined.  In the early days he is credited with keeping me alive as I worked to keep our baby fed, and clean, and content.   I have grown as a mother to a newborn to a mother of a toddler.  I have grown to be her advocate more and more as she has needed it in her daycare experience.  We have both grown as partners to one another. 

Olivia has grown to be the best little girl I could ever imagine.  No, I'm not biased.  She has got a personality that I often wonder where the heck this is coming from, but I know it's made up from those who love her.  Her personality is a combination of all of the wonderful people that have played a role in her first year of life.  Olivia's grandparents, who love her so dearly, have shaped her to be strong and goofy, and so intelligent.  Her teachers and her peers have given her more independence, and a little bit of attitude.  Her aunts and uncles have spoiled her with love and have helped to make her more confident. 

How many of the first days were spent.

Nursing puts us both to sleep.

Perfection.  These past 365 days have in no way been perfect.  There have been tears, lots of them, both from Olivia and me.  I had something come over me when Olivia was first born, and my mama bear feelings really came out.  I had this irrational feeling of not letting her out of my sight, and an all emcompassing dread when she was not with me.  There have been all-nighters because of fever, or congestion, or teething, or ear infection, or a strange nap schedule during the day.  There have been fights between Mommy and Daddy when we are trying to decide the next course of action to soothe Olivia.  There have been days when I had to go to work, when I all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and nurse Olivia all day.   There have been days that I was very thankful for my job because it was the break I needed to keep my sanity, and get some rest.  There have been breastfeeding and pumping struggles and getting-my-baby-to-eat struggles. We have encountered plenty of the expected parenting hurdles of the first year, and yet, we have somehow made it! 

Having said all of that, the days just keep on getting sweeter.  Lately when we hug Olivia and say, I love you, she will respond by saying, aaahhhh, and with an open mouth plant the best kiss on our cheek/neck/mouth/eye.  She blows kiss when we wave bye-bye, without us even asking for them.  She runs to us when we go visit at lunch, and then again at the end of the day.  Every night when we have dinner as a family she shows us just how much of a big girl she has become when she wants to feed herself, rather than us feed her.  She is finally saying Ma-Ma when she wants me, not just Da-Da.  She knows that we belong to her, and that she belongs to us.

I thank God everyday for giving us Olivia.  And I thank Olivia everyday for being who she is.  I am appreciative of being able to be a mother to someone, and I don't take that for granted.  I look forward to getting to do the whole first year all over again, one day, because I feel like Olivia just keeps making us be better parents.

Happy Birthday to our Olivia!!!  We love you, we always will, we wish you the best because you deserve it.   I look forward to all that is to come.

Random Thoughts

I have been thinking of a ton of things to write about lately, however, I have not had time to eloquently expand on them via their own blog posts.  So here goes, a bunch of random thoughts.

- We are prepping this week for Olivia's little birthday get together with family.  I'm very much looking forward to it.  However, I'm beginning to anticipate some very hectic years in the future with her birthday being so close to Christmas. 

- On Monday, as I was preparing my pump and parts for the day, I looked at Dave and told him that I was done with pumping.  That morning I decided I was over it, and I didn't want to do it any longer, and then I started to cry.  So, I am now saying that I will continue to pump throughout the holidays, and re-evaluate after them.  I can't imagine no longer breastfeeding at this point, so I fear ending the pumping will also end our breastfeeding relationship.  I know that women are able to successfully breastfeed once they stop the pumping during the work day, but what if my body can't do that? 

- I was up at 2am this yesterday because I had a lot on my mind, and so much that I felt I needed to get done around the house.  Our nights are incredibly fun, but busy.  We hardly have anytime to do things that need to get done that aren't a part of our normal routine, so I played Christmas elf in the wee hours of the morning.  I could sip my coffee and wrap presents at ease.

- I'm itching to talk about something so badly because while I feel I may need support, I'm afraid to let others know what I'm attempting, should I fail.

Bathtime Fun

WARNING:  Obnoxious, overly excited Mommy.  Luckily, the cute kid makes up for it.

Earrings

It was much more of an internal struggle to pierce Olivia's ears then I ever imagined it to be.  I always imagined that the minute my daughter could get her ears pierced, we would pierce them.  And then Olivia was born, and she was this perfect miracle, without any imperfections.  I could not imagine puncturing two holes into her ears.  Shots were bad enough for me, that I continued to delay the ear piercing; making excuses to everyone that asked.

At her follow up flu shot appointment I pulled the trigger and have not regretted it since.  She looks beautiful, not that she didn't beforehand, but we love the earrings.  She looks like our little beautiful Mexican baby girl. 

It is such a cultural norm in the Hispanic culture, so I clung to that as my reason to get Olivia's ears pierced.  Everytime I would see a baby with her ears pierced I would get a pit in my stomach, and usually ask her parent's when did they pierce her ears, and how'd she do with it.  I knew I wanted to have them pierced, but I had no idea I would be so conflicted leading up to getting them done. 

I am forever trying to identify with being Mexican-American in any way that I can.  I know that this may all sound silly, but I really struggle with feeling Mexican enough at times.  I don't speak Spanish and my last name is Copeland.  I am blessed that I at least look the part, so many will at least give me the benefit of the doubt.  So mainly for cultural reasons, and some vanity, and some "right of passage" jazz, I decided that I wanted to pierce Olivia's ears at an early age. 

Happy Birthday, Dad!!!

There is not a single person in the world that loves me quite like my dad does.  For those that know my father and I well, know that we are very much alike.  Growing up my mom used to call me my dad's twin, and I would get so upset, because there was no way that I was like my crazy old man.  Now it's an honor to be called his twin.  We are both crazy, and loud, and passionate, and hot-headed.  We are both quick to get angry, but even quicker to forgive and forget.

My dad would take the shirt off of his back for anyone that he loves.  I have worked hard my entire life to make my dad proud.

I'm blessed to have this wonderful man as my father.  Olivia is even more blessed to have my dad as her Grandfather.  He shows an enthusiasm for Olivia when she is in the room like no one else does.  I am so grateful that he loves her so much.

Thank you, Dad.

Happy Birthday!  We love you.  

Blogging Fail Due to Sick Child

A three day weekend can fly right on by when taking care of a sick baby.  Poor Olivia.  She just wasn't feeling well, and were pretty sure that it's just a nasty cold coupled with the possibility of teething. We took her in to the doctor anyways, and they said it was just a virus.  We took her in again on Sunday because we had such a horrible couple of nights, and fever spiking pretty high, but still they said just an infection. Monday, more of the same but she stayed at Gammies house and we really thought she was on the up and up, until we discovered a rash all over the trunk of her body. Great.

Well, Monday night into Tuesday morning was a true test to my motherhood.  It had already been decided that I would be staying home with Olivia on Tuesday, so that was a good thing.  She woke up every 1.5-2 hours screaming.  Not just crying, full-blown screaming.  That has never happened to us before.  We have had fussy nights, and wide-awake nights, but never screaming.  We knew she had to be in pain, somewhere and she was not running a fever.  We thought maybe it was her teeth, so we gave her teething tablets, and ibuprofen, which didn't really seem to help.  All I could do was try and rock her and comfort her, which she hated and loved.  I would hold her tight, and she would scream and try and get out of my embrace, and so I would lay her back down, and she would look at me with shock and scream so more.  It was such a hopeless feeling.  I just kept saying, tell me baby girl what's wrong?  I know that's silly, but would that be nice?!  At one point, I was walking her around the upstairs trying to soothe her, and went into the bathroom, and flushed the toilet.  Surprisingly, that worked to stopped the screaming just long enough I could stick her pacifier in her mouth and rock her back to sleep for another couple of hours.  Seriously, who would have thought repeatedly flushing the toilet would help???  There needs to be a better handbook for these sort of things.

Tuesday morning I was able to take her to her regular doctor and Dr. P discovered an ear infection in her right ear, which explained the screaming, and the virus called roseola, which explained the rash.  Thank God for modern medicine. In the evening by time Olivia had her second dose of antibiotics, she was slowly becoming her happy self again.  Plus, her appetite returned and she ate a really hearty dinner of tortilla soup and avocado that I had brewed in the crock pot all day.

Olivia did a lot of this yesterday:

Last night was amazing and almost felt like normal.  She "woke" up 2 or 3 times, but only to nurse and to feel around for me to make sure I was still there.

So that is why I failed at blogging everyday for the past couple of days.  I hope to hop back on and finish up strong, but who knows.  Life is crazy.

Olivia is sick

Yesterday, Olivia really seemed under the weather when I visited her at lunch.  I took her temperature, and it was a little above normal, so I just gave her some teething tablets, and lunch and lots of cuddles.

After school she really seemed tired, so while we were at the daycare we took her temperature and it was 101.4.  We took her to the after hours clinic and were told that she just had a cold, and it was peaking.  It was a relief to rule out an infection, especially an ear infection.

Last night we just gave her a warm bath, and dinner, and took turns holding and rocking her to sleep.  The fever finally seems to be coming down this morning.  Olivia just went down for her morning nap, but  has been in and out of feeling well all morning.  I also think that she MAY be cutting the top two teeth, but I have regularly thought Olivia has been cutting teeth, with no luck.  She currently has about a tooth and a fourth on the bottom.

I was so glad that this cold peaked when it did and we are able to have these three days to be with her.  The doctor said if the fever doesn't go away by Monday we should bring her in again to rule out infection.    Hopefully this is just a cold and Olivia begins feeling 100% soon!

Happy Birthday, Gammie!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNETTE!

We all love you very much.  Thank you for being such a wonderful grandmother, mother, mother-in-law, wife, and person to all of us.

Olivia is 11 months old today.

I kept thinking last night, maybe if I don't go to sleep tonight, my baby won't turn 11 months old tomorrow.  If only it were that easy.  My mom used to beg us, and annoyingly ask us all of the time to stop growing up.  She would drag her feet at all of our birthdays and say, "No!  You aren't turning ___ years old."  I would roll my eyes and try and wiggle from her death grip.  I used to never understand what the heck she had against us getting older?!  Now, I know.  I completely understand.

I can honestly say that it literally hurts my heart to think that my baby girl is one month away from turning one year old!  While she is growing more amazing each day, I hate the thought of her growing up. 

11 months have flown right on by.  Whew!  What the heck did we do with our lives and our time before Olivia?  She has given me such a purpose in this world, and such a drive to be a better person.  I want to do better for her, and for our family, and it amazes me that someone so small can motivate me so much.

A year ago

Look at that sexy lady.  This picture was taken almost exactly a year ago, I was 37.5 weeks pregnant.  My face was so fat/swollen it looks like I was having a hard time smiling, but hey, I was still smiling.

I was likely smiling because I thought I was going to have a baby any day.  Little did I know that I would still be pregnant for another 4 weeks!  I think after about this point, I gained another 5 pounds or so, so imagine that hotness!  Holy smokes.

I would marry my husband over and over again.

Not only does my husband clean, but he also cooks, and he is amazing at both.  I never knew that men could cook!  Ha.  Growing up my dad only grilled, so Dave cooking, and cooking extremely well, was a new experience for me.  Dave cooks 95% of our meals, and packs our lunches. I feel like this is only fair because I have been in charge of feeding the baby almost 100% of the time.  However this is starting to slowly change since Olivia is eat more of what we are eating.

I've been making most of Olivia's baby food and sometimes I get an itch to do a little cooking.   Usually I will just bake sometime to go with what ever Dave has made.

Our weekends, when we stick around the house, are very domestic.  We clean, we shop, and we prepare meals and menus for the weekend and the week.

Today Dave cleaned our entire upstairs while I tackled the downstairs and entertained Olivia.  When we have a "cleaning party" like we did today we are able to finish up all of the chores and the laundry in 2-3 hours tops.  We wake up, make coffee, have breakfast, turn on Pandora and then set about cleaning.  It's bliss.  Then we are free to play the rest of the weekend.

This evening we ended our night watching OSU v KState and chowed down on some home-cooked chicken wings, celery and homemade blue cheese dressing compliments of my amazing husband that I will never ever be thankful enough for.

Running

Today was the first time in a really long time that I actually felt like running again.  I used to love to run and did it almost everyday.  At my peak I was running 25-30 miles a week.  Mostly 2-5 mile runs and a long distance run, 5+ miles on the weekend. 

I was walking to Olivia's daycare at lunch, and I think it was the cooler weather that made me feel like running again.  So I actually jogged most of the way, about .5 miles to her daycare.  I was in my work clothes, and I wasn't wearing the best running shoes, but at least they were flats.  It felt amazing.  I think I'm ready to start picking it up again.  We don't have a jogging stroller, but the stroller that we do have would work I think.

Aside from not having much time to work out, I have been reluctant to start running for a bunch of reasons.  I didn't want to take any time away from the time that I did have to spend with Olivia.  I irrationally felt like I was being selfish; this is a conflicting feeling I often struggle with.  I know that it is important to take care of myself, but I feel better when I am able to give Olivia 100% of my time and my energy.  So mentally I just wasn't into.  I have also been afraid of what working out would do to my breast milk supply.  I know I could just eat more to compensate for the calories burned, but I have been able to lose all the baby weight,plus some, and keep it off just by eating healthy and breastfeeding.  Because the weight has come off rather effortlessly, I have not been very motivated to do much.  And trust me, I am not in anyway bragging about losing the baby weight so easily.  This is a very new phenomenon for me.  It has never been easy for me to keep my weight down, I used to smell food and gain 5 pounds.  I truly don't know what the change has been.   

Jenny & I before the San Antonio Marathon - November 2006

Jae and I after the San Antonio 1/2 Marathon - November 2007

Jenny & I - after the Austin AT&T 1/2 Marathon - February 2007

Today I missed those good feelings I used to get from running.  I'm not making any promises to myself or anyone about how much running I will actually set out to do.  It's killer to get back into shape after taking such a long hiatus, but hopefully I will get at least one decent run in this weekend!!!

Our daycare experience

My heart was broken after I had Olivia, and I realized that I did in fact have to eventually return to work.  Seriously, at the time I never thought I would feel okay about our decision, out of necessity, to send her to daycare.  I cried, and I cried, and I cried some more.  I cried the entire weekend before I was suppose to return back to work.  I would hold Olivia while I was nursing her, and just be devastated at the fact that I would not get to be with her all day long anymore.  I'm actually tearing up a little bit right now as I write this just remembering that time.

When Olivia was about 8 weeks old, I returned to work.  My mother in law, Annette, was an absolute saint.  She watched Olivia for two weeks before we sent her off to daycare.  I felt like this was a wonderful transition.  I knew Olivia was being cared for with so much love that I was fine with my return to work, aside from hating my job at the time.  Then at about 10 weeks old, on Valentines Day 2011, Olivia started daycare. 

I was a mess the first time I had to drop her off.  I felt like I held it together okay while I was at her daycare learning all of the dropping off procedures.  Although the teacher, Ms. Maria, now likes to remind me how I was boohoo-ing the very first time I had to drop Olivia off.  I really broke down in the parking lot, a big ugly nasty cry on Dave's shoulder.

Poor Dave.  Dave knew I was miserable.  He was a real champ at just allowing me be miserable, which was what I needed, and not trying to fix the problem.  He allowed me to work through all of the emotions of having to return back to work, to a job I was miserable at, and just being there for me to lean on.  I know this process was rough and stressful for him, too. 

Olivia with one of her very favorite teachers.

Now here we are, today, about 9 months later, and I could not be happier with our decision.  I had to realize that this is the point that we are in our lives, and this is the way that it has to be, and we are blessed in so many ways.  It took me a while to get here, and there have definitely been some ups and downs, but overall we are happy. 

There have been some staffing issues at Olivia's school that we have not always been thrilled about, but every issue we have had or have seen has been fixed pretty quickly.  While I would likely give my left arm to be a stay-at-home mother, I also like working, and I'm finally at a job that I genuinely appreciate and enjoy. 

Obviously, Ms. Q is a favorite of many.

Olivia love love loves a couple of her daycare providers.  So much so that some mornings we get there and she can't get out of my arms quick enough to play and sit on one of her teachers laps.  It's funny because other moms who have sent their babies to daycare told me this would happen.  At the time I got this advice, I thought, "No way, never, I will never be okay having to send my baby to daycare and not getting to be with her all day."  But she is happy, and that means that we are happy. 

Olivia is an absolute social butterfly, and I attribute a lot of that to her exposure to different people in her daycare.   Olivia has also thrived in being in a room full of babies.  She has come home and played in ways that I know she has picked up from other babies at daycare.  She also blows kisses, which was something the teachers taught her how to do first.  I also know that eventually the not so cute habits such as biting and hitting will come home as well, but that would happen eventually once she started school, anyways. Also, Olivia has started eating the school lunch this week, and boy that makes be really feel like I have a big kid and not a baby.  She is loving it, and I am too, because it is one last thing we have to pack up for the day.

Life is not perfect and we still have great daycare days, and not so good daycare days.  Overall though, we are currently in a very good place as a family.

ETA:  It has also been a huge benefit to be close enough to the daycare to be able to visit and breastfeed everyday at lunch.  In the 9 months that Olivia has been there I have only missed our lunch date a handful of times.  I know our lunch dates will eventually come to an end when my visit is more disruptive than helpful, and when I'm no longer breastfeeding, but I have cherished our dates. 

P.S.S.:  There was a biting incident at daycare today.  Olivia was not a victim nor the instigator, but for a split second I had reason to believe that she was the biter.  Luckily, that was not the case.  I know things like this are going to happen in a daycare environment, but in this instance one baby had been bitten but another baby twice in one day. 

Halloween 2011

Halloween 2011 - Olivia's first

Olivia in costume at daycare!

Olivia and friends!

Handing out candy with Mommy.

The candy was more interesting than smiling for the camera.

Playing on the stairs with Daddy as we waited for more Trick-o-Treaters.

Olivia's first Halloween went off without a hitch.  It was a very fun and busy day.  They had a Halloween celebration at her daycare, which neither one of us were able to attend, but thankfully another daycare mom sent us pictures!  It looked like a blast.

We got home from work just in time to change clothes, dress up our little lamb, put some spooky music on and hand out candy.  Olivia was in awe.  She would sort of jump up everytime the doorbell rang and reach for one us, who ever it was making a move for the door with the candy bowl.  We saw some great costumes this year and a lot of cute kids.  We handed out candy until about 8:30, then turned the porch light off and got ready for our bedtime routine.  We ended the night with the latest episode of Walking Dead! Spooooky.

Next year we hope to take Olivia out to a few houses to really see what Halloween is all about.  I love love love living through the excitement of it all through Olivia, and I know it will just keep on getting better as she becomes more aware of what is actually going on.  

I read recently in another blog something about how having children is like getting the first four years of your life back all over again.  That is really proving to be true, and we are working really hard to help make all of those hopeful first memories special.