Heading home from the hospital (12/9/2010)
72 hours old
365 days of growth. Growing as a parent and as a grown-up has been one of the biggest transitions imaginable. My co-captain, Dave, has stepped up into his role as a father in ways I never imagined. In the early days he is credited with keeping me alive as I worked to keep our baby fed, and clean, and content. I have grown as a mother to a newborn to a mother of a toddler. I have grown to be her advocate more and more as she has needed it in her daycare experience. We have both grown as partners to one another.
Olivia has grown to be the best little girl I could ever imagine. No, I'm not biased. She has got a personality that I often wonder where the heck this is coming from, but I know it's made up from those who love her. Her personality is a combination of all of the wonderful people that have played a role in her first year of life. Olivia's grandparents, who love her so dearly, have shaped her to be strong and goofy, and so intelligent. Her teachers and her peers have given her more independence, and a little bit of attitude. Her aunts and uncles have spoiled her with love and have helped to make her more confident.
How many of the first days were spent.
Nursing puts us both to sleep.
Perfection. These past 365 days have in no way been perfect. There have been tears, lots of them, both from Olivia and me. I had something come over me when Olivia was first born, and my mama bear feelings really came out. I had this irrational feeling of not letting her out of my sight, and an all emcompassing dread when she was not with me. There have been all-nighters because of fever, or congestion, or teething, or ear infection, or a strange nap schedule during the day. There have been fights between Mommy and Daddy when we are trying to decide the next course of action to soothe Olivia. There have been days when I had to go to work, when I all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and nurse Olivia all day. There have been days that I was very thankful for my job because it was the break I needed to keep my sanity, and get some rest. There have been breastfeeding and pumping struggles and getting-my-baby-to-eat struggles. We have encountered plenty of the expected parenting hurdles of the first year, and yet, we have somehow made it!
Having said all of that, the days just keep on getting sweeter. Lately when we hug Olivia and say, I love you, she will respond by saying, aaahhhh, and with an open mouth plant the best kiss on our cheek/neck/mouth/eye. She blows kiss when we wave bye-bye, without us even asking for them. She runs to us when we go visit at lunch, and then again at the end of the day. Every night when we have dinner as a family she shows us just how much of a big girl she has become when she wants to feed herself, rather than us feed her. She is finally saying Ma-Ma when she wants me, not just Da-Da. She knows that we belong to her, and that she belongs to us.
I thank God everyday for giving us Olivia. And I thank Olivia everyday for being who she is. I am appreciative of being able to be a mother to someone, and I don't take that for granted. I look forward to getting to do the whole first year all over again, one day, because I feel like Olivia just keeps making us be better parents.
