Wordless Wednesday! 12 weeks.

"I breastfeed."

Funny story. On Monday, it was our very first morning getting ready to send Olivia off to daycare. She had been with her with Gammie for 2 wonderful weeks, but now it was time to get into our real life daily routine. We prepared as much as we could the night before and just had to load up the car in the morning. "School supplies": check. Bottles: check. Extra outfits and bibs and pacifiers: check. Diapers??? Of course not. I totally forgot to pack diapers. Luckily, Dave and I were going over the list together as we were driving and we realized this before we were at her daycare.


Dave stopped at a nearby H.E.B. and ran in to get us a pack of diapers. Livy and I stayed in the car to cuddle some more. When Dave came back to the car he had a big ol smile on his face. I asked him what was up and he had a cute little story to share. He said that he was in a big rush picking the diapers and quickly paying for them that he left his receipt there with the cashier. The cashier tried to call after him and let him know that there were coupons for formula included with his receipt. Dave said that he didn't even turn around and said, "No thanks, I breastfeed!"

So, of course, Dave got a big kick out of being able to say, "I breastfeed", because he thinks that it sounds silly coming from a man. However, I was absolutely thrilled with this story because I felt like it was just another way David has been supportive in my breastfeeding journey.

Olivia enjoying a meal on our hike last weekend.

Learning to do something that I assumed would be the most natural thing in the world has been hard at times. From hearing about other women's struggles, my own experiences have been relatively smooth in comparison. I will say that I have been blessed with a husband who was so helpful in the beginning that I was able to push through any of the painful times and difficulties. He was there to tend to my needs while I was tending to our daughters needs and everything worked really well for us right from the beginning.  Along with Dave's help, I was also very determined to breastfeed, and thankfully so was Olivia. She knew exactly what to do and really helped me along the way as well.  I cannot express in words the bond I feel for Olivia, and I attribute much of that bond to our times spent breastfeeding.

So as usual whenever I find an interest or a desire to learn more on a subject I become fixated on it. These days I can't get enough information on breastfeeding. There are not enough forums and articles to keep me satisfied. I love reading about other women's breastfeeding experiences and about problems they have encountered along the way. I also love hearing success stories and women who have been able to overcome certain difficulties (i.e. latch issues, supply problems, or other medical issues.)

The funny thing is that after my first 2 weeks of breastfeeding Olivia I had come to the conclusion that I did not enjoy it. I was not sure whether I wanted to continue to breastfeed her. There were a ton of reasons that I started feeling this way. I became anxious about needing to breastfeed over the holidays when we would be doing a little bit of traveling, I was nervous about my ability to return to work and continue to breastfeed, I feared having to nurse in public, and I did not want to miss family socializing times because I needed to go breastfeed my baby. Also that dreaded thought kept creeping into my brain, "I was formula fed, and I am fine." With Dave's encouragement, I kept it up and we worked through any possible obstacles. Surprisingly, there haven't really been any obstacles to breastfeeding once I fully committed to it and decided that was what I was going to do.

My work and boss have all been very understanding of my need to pump a couple of times a day. I'm lucky to have my own office where I can close the door and blinds.  Now that Olivia is only a mile away from my work I am able to nurse her right before she goes to daycare if I need to, during my lunch hour, and when I pick her up. This means that she really only gets 2-3 bottles of breastmilk a day, if that. She will sometimes refuse the bottle and hold out until I'm able to nurse her. She likes it directly from the tap, what can I say?

So breastfeeding has become my passion of the moment.  I know that we still have a long journey ahead of us because Olivia and I have only been doing it for 10 weeks, and a number of issues can arise.  I fully intend on breastfeeding her for as long as I can and I'm hopeful at keeping this up.   

It amazes me that there is a community of breastfeeding momma's on the net that people can reach out to for support.  I have also come across some social and politcal issues that stand in the way of many mom's desire to breastfeed, and that irks me to no end.  I'm also irked by the judgment moms pass on each other, whether they decide to breastfeed or formula feed.  There are so many things for mothers to feel bad and guilty for already, that we don't need each other's help.  I feel that so long as a mom makes an educated decision to choose one way or another, and decide which will be best for her and her baby, we should not judge each other.  Every mom is raising their baby to the best of their ability and that should be celebrated.   Unless they aren't, then we should judge those moms...just kidding! Sort of...

Two Month Check-Up - Our little shorty

Our baby girl is 2 months old!  Crazy.  We had her 2 month check-up and shots yesterday.  Dave was not able to go because of work, and I had to brave the dreaded shots alone with Olivia.  It was not as bad as I had anticipated, but it also wasn't a blast.  She cried, and of course, I shed a few tears as well. 

Olivia now weighs 11.1 pounds, and is 21.5 inches long!  She is our little shorty! 

The check-up went well, and Olivia checks out as completely healthy.  The skin rash/eczema that she had for a week or so has completely clear up!  Thank goodness. 

Recently we have discovered that Olivia loves naked time!  Gammie has been watching Livy for the past two weeks and she has been able to get the most smiles and cooing when Olivia is down for a diaper change and her diaper is off.  Our little nudist :)

She also loves laying down on the changing table in her bedroom without her diaper on.  She just coos and kicks and smiles.  This time with Olivia every morning is one of my absolute favorite times of the day.  Even the mornings we are running short on time to get out of the house for work, I try and take extra time with her when she is in  this calm and happy state. 

My little naked baby. 

We are getting more and more smiles from Olivia and she has great visual focus. 

Right now Olivia is mostly sleeping through the nights.  She will fall asleep for the night around 9 or 930 and will usually only get up once around 2-3 to eat.  She will then go back to sleep till about 5 am.  This is when she is usually up with us for the rest of the morning while we get ready for work.   Although this is usually how nights go for us, once or twice a week she will be extra hungry and get up several times a night to eat.  

I absolutely love the age our little baby is right now and I wish I could freeze her at this stage.  I told my mom that this past weekend and she told me that she felt that exact same way with all of us!  She told me that each time her babies would do something new she felt that way.  I know our time with Livy is just getting more and more precious and I can't wait!

Life After Labor

Some thoughts and experiences since welcoming Olivia into this world....

Being a mommy has been absolutely wonderful so far.  I've seriously loved every moment of these past 8 weeks! I'm so in love with our little girl.  That does not mean that things have been completely perfect and smooth for us, but we have been lucky that any rocky patches we have had so far have not been major crisises.  We've been able to work through everything thrown at us, with most of the tears coming from me.

My maternity leave was the most marvelous thing in the world.  I absolutely loved being able to be home with Olivia all day, everyday for those 7 weeks.  I've been lucky not to experience any serious "baby blues."  During the first couple of weeks after Olivia was born, when Dave had just returned to work, I thought I was going to get a serious case of postpartum depression.  I would cry when he would leave for work, and then cry again around 6pm in anticipation of him coming home.  If Dave wasn't home by 6:10pm, I would call him worried and frantic as to why he hadn't gotten home yet.  Thankfully, all of that passed in just a couple of days, and I'm guessing it was just a lot of the hormones balancing out in my body. 

Speaking of my body, holy moly having a baby does crazy things to your body.  It truly took me about 4 weeks after Olivia was born to start feeling normal again.  I had always thought I would be the type of person to bounce right back after giving birth, but I felt like it was quite the opposite for me.  In those first 4 weeks all I wanted to do was be in sweatpants and be at home.  Luckily, once the holidays were over, that was pretty much all I did.  I think being able to stay at home and rest all day while taking care of Olivia, I was able to finally start feeling normal, and slowly get out of my "hermit" funk.    

Olivia has been an awesome nighttime sleeper.  It took us about 3 weeks to really figure out how to get  her to sleep for her longest stretch of the night.  Dave is the best swaddler and rocker when it comes to bed time, so for awhile he was in charge of getting her to sleep for the night right after she ate.  I would then immediately go to bed to try and get some sleep.  This method would usually allow me to sleep from about 8pm to midnight.  Once I had that solid 4 hours of sleep, I was usually charged up and ready to go for whatever type of night Olivia wanted to have.  She has never been so fussy that we just didn't know what to do, yet.  She has also started to sleep for even longer stretches on some nights.  Those nights I feel like I get even less sleep because I'm in and out of sleep anticipating her to wake up and want to nurse. 

I've realized that co-sleeping is the absolute way to go, for us, at least.  Although Olivia likes to eat several times throughout the night, being able to feed her immediately in bed before she starts crying, allows me to get much more sleep than when I tried putting her in the bassinett the first couple of nights.  Plus, we get a ton of cuddle time in, which has been priceless since my return back to work. 

Nursing has become one of my all time favorite pasttimes.  I felt like we had a rough start to breastfeeding because it took 5 days for my milk to come in, however, the more I read up on breastfeeding the more I realize that is rather normal.  Those first 5 days were the roughest because she was a very sleepy baby and wouldn't want to wake up to eat.  I wasn't sure if she was getting enough and we weren't seeing the number of wet diapers we should have been.  Concerned about this, we took her to her pediatrician, Dr. P., whom we absolutely LOVE, and we were reassured that Olivia was doing just fine, and to keep trying to nurse her as often as possible.  Not even 12 hours after that visit, my milk came in, and almost everything with our breastfeeding relationship has gone very smoothly since.  My little porker even put on more than 2 lbs between then and when we took her back to the doctor for a skin rash at 5 weeks old. 

It has absolutely killed me having to return to work and be apart from her.  I just made it through my first full week back.  I wish there were a way I could stay home, but unfortunately we need to be a dual income family at this time.  Everyone tells me that it's a wonderful thing for both of us that I return to work, and that she gets to experience daycare.  Part of me knows that is partially true, but another part of me knows that there is no one better than me to care for her day in and day out.  I also am wrecked with that mommy guilt already, I know my return to work is affecting me way more than it's affecting her, but it's still hard to swallow and push through. 

A career change is something I've been really considering, as I would love to become a teacher in the future.  This would take me back closer to my original desire to become a social worker, plus I will be able to work with crazy children, rather than crazy adults. Who knows what the future holds.

Wordless Wednesday

Some of my favorite pictures right now....

5 weeks old today!

Birth Story - Part 2

TMI Warning: I'm writing my birth story with very little censoring. I'm going to try and be as honest as possible, so it may not always be pretty! If you have zero interest in learning anything about my lady parts, I would recommend skipping this blog!


December 7, 2010:  Overnight, I spent most of my time in the bathtub.  The bouancy of the water seemed to be the only thing that provided me any relief during the contractions.  They were definitely getting stronger and I found that in between  the contractions I was able to sleep a little bit while I was in the tub.

Contractions and more contractions, we just never hit that magic formula that we were waiting for.  2-3 minutes apart, lasting at least 60 seconds, and staying that way for at least 2 hours. 

Finally, by around 8am, we had had enough of this laboring at home business, I had reached my mental, emotional and physical limit, and I wanted to go back to the hospital.  We did a repeat of the previous morning. Called the hospital, called our parents, loaded the car, and kissed Thor goodbye.  We went back in on Tuesday morning around 9am.

Luckily, we did not have to do the whole triage monitoring process again, and were immediately admited to L&D.  Once we settled in a nurse checked me for progress.  I had dilated from 3 centimeters to 5, and was now 100% effaced, and baby was at -1 position.  We were staying at the hospital this time, and we were not going to be leaving without our baby.  This thought went through my head quite a few times during the worst contractions, it was a motivator.

Both of us still smiling.

Several thoughts would run through my head throughout my entire labor, 1) I can do this, 2) we will have our little girl at the end of all of this, 3) this is one thing in life that I can't quit, no matter how much I want to, 4) millions and millions of women have done this before me. 

All the parents were informed that we were at the hospital and in full on active labor.  Annette arrived early in the morning and stayed with us a bit.  My family got to the hospital around 2pm in the afternoon.  Everyone took turns walking the halls with me as I worked through contractions so that Dave could get some sleep. 

The day went by in such a blur as I continued to labor all day long.  I was finally checked by a nurse at 5pm, and it was discovered that my body had made zero progress from when we had first arrived.  I was so discouraged.  Luckily, my doctor was around and I was able to discuss with her what we could do to nudge things along a little bit.  She suggested breaking my waterbag, which I agreed to as I felt it was the least intrusive intervention at this point. 

Leaning over the bed, as well as the yoga ball was one of my favorite positions. 

At times a contraction would hit and it would feel best to stay in whatever position I was in, with someone there to physically support me. 

To this day, whenever I think about the two and a half hours after my waterbag was broken, I still shudder.  The contractions got so much more intense and closer together.  They were also still all over the place and ranging anywhere from 2-6 minutes apart.   My mom, sister, and my dad did a lot of walking with me during this time.  I remember being incredibly cranky and short-tempered and I snapped at my dad, for which I apologized for later.  We all laugh about it now, but at the time I felt like I was in a full blown crisis mode and could not stay in control of managing the pain. 

At 7pm, the nurse checked me again and I was still only 5 cen., 100% effaced and the baby had only moved down a little bit.    After much deliberation, discussion with Dave and encouragement from my parents, I asked (begged) for the epidural.  It was such a hard decision for me at the time, I worked so hard to prepare for a natural childbirth, and we had made it so far, but I just could not do it anymore.  I felt like I was beyond the point of being able to relax and allow my body to relax to help facilitate any progress. In between contractions Dave told me a great/silly story and his theory on how women's bodies have evolved.  I remember thinking that I was glad to be able to still laugh and joke with him at this point. 

After I asked for the epidural, I could not get it administered quick enough!  It was not as bad as I had envisioned it would be.  The most difficult part was sitting still through contractions, and the muscle tremors that I was having at this point.  Holy. Moly.  What a world of difference. I was shocked at first that I really was not able to move the lower half of my body, but got used to it after awhile.  The worst side effect that I got was the nausea; I threw up quite a bit.  

A couple of hours later after there still being no diliation progress I agreed to a low dose of Pitocin to strengthen the contractions.  I had started to run a slight fever and Olivia's heartrate was a tad high, so it was now important that things progress at a quicker speed if I had any hopes of having a vaginal delivery.  I was put on oxygen for her heart rate and given cold washcloths to help keep my temp down.

Look how pretty I looked!  And this was after I had received the epidural. 

From 11pm until 5am I finally dilated to 10 centimeters, was 100% effaced, and baby's head was engaged and ready to go.  I did not want to push until I felt the urge to push, and the nurses were completely supportive of that.  So I was able to "labor down," as they kept calling it, for another 2 hours.

I never felt that urge to push that many women say they do.  I felt the urgency to push when I realized that the epidural was beginning to wear off and I began feeling the contractions again.  At 7am, Dave called the nurse in, Tammie, who was absolutely wonderful, and told her that I was ready to go ahead and push.  Tammie quickly broke down the bed and got the room arranged for me to push.  I elevated the bed to an almost completely upright position and got ready. 

Dave was holding one leg and Tammie was on the other and the pushing began.  Then we hit another small roadblock.  Tammie discovered that there was meconium present in the fluids surrounding Olivia, which is very common in overdue babies.  She had to make sure that the pediatrician would be present when Olivia was born so that they could immediately expel any meconium from her nose, throat and lungs.  Learning this broke my heart because I knew that this meant that I would not be allowed the immediate skin to skin contact I wanted so much.  Tammie reassured me that as soon as the pediatrician looked Olivia over she would be given to me.

I continued to push, and once I was very close to pushing Olivia out my doctor was called in and was there for the final pushes as our baby was born.  Finally, after what felt like a very long journey, our baby, Olivia Marie Copeland, was born on Wednesday, December 8, 2010 at 7:50a.m., 8 pounds, 4 ounces, and 19 inches long. 

Olivia started crying immediately after she was born, which is not the preferable thing when meconium is present.  It's prefered that the baby be stimulated as little as possible until they have a chance to aspirate the meconium.  For this reason, Olivia was held upside down for a minute, and then the doctor placed her on me long enough for Dave to cut her umbilical cord.  She was then passed off to the pediatrician who took her to the warmer. She was not very far from my bed so I was able to see everything that was happening. 

While Olivia was being tended to, I delivered the placenta and received several stiches for some minor tears.  Olivia's head was slightly turned one direction when she came out that had caused the tearing. 

I was able to hold her about 10 minutes after she arrived and she latched about half an hour after that. 



We stayed with Olivia for about 2 hours, just the three of us, while they did a couple of the newborn tests on her.  Tammie also showed Dave how to give her a sponge bath and they washed her hair.  Then the fun of introducing her to our folks & family began!

A month has passed since the birth of our baby girl.  We could not be anymore in love with her!  As she becomes more and more alert we love seeing the different things that she has started to do.  We know this is just the beginning of the fun, and are looking forward to all that is to come.

Prior to having Olivia, I had always thought that if I was not able to have the med-free birth that I had so wanted that I would be very dissappointed.  Having now gone through having a baby, I know that there was no way I could have prepared for the labor experience that I had.  My birth plan was how I would have liked everything to go according to the textbook average birth. 

Unfortunately, my experience was very far from the average first time birth.  I'm so proud of us and how we handled my labor and delivery experience.  If I had not been so stubborn, we could have had our baby a lot sooner, but I would not change what I went through one bit. 

Birth Story - Part 1

TMI Warning: I'm writing my birth story with very little censoring.  I'm going to try and be as honest as possible, so it may not always be pretty!  If you have zero interest in learning anything about my lady parts, I would recommend skipping the next two blogs!

I've sat down to write my birth story several times.  Motherhood and my own reluctance to actually write it out have considerably slowed down the process.  So here it goes...

At my first overdue doctor's appointment I agreed to my first internal examination to see if there was any progress.  I was 3 days overdue at the time and discovered that I was 0% effaced and there was 0 diliation.  Boy, was that hard to hear.  I knew we could be in for at most another 2 weeks. 

I started having my first contactions late in the evening on December 2, 2010, I was  now 5 days overdue.  Dave and I were on a double date with Mike and Jeani at the Alamo Drafthouse in North Austin to see Unstoppable.   The contractions were very mild and I really did not want to make a big deal about it, but Dave was getting pretty excited and was wanting to time the contractions.  

December 3, 2010 : I continued to have contractions throughout the night and into the morning, they were ranging anywhere from 10-12 minutes apart, and were still very mild.  However, we had a feeling that "this was it."

I knew that because my labor was beginning rather slow we had time to get things done.  So, since it was Friday we both went into work to take care of some things before maternity/paternity leave.  Dave picked me up early and we were going to go home to lay low and see if I was really in labor.   We made a couple of stops along the way to pick of some stuff and the contractions were still going.  At this point, none of them were taking my breath away nor were they making me stop to work through them.

In the early afternoon, things really started to slow down, hardly any contractions.  If any existed, maybe one an hour.  We settled in for the night, watched movies, and just spent time together.  We went to bed rather dissapointed that I may have been in a state of false labor all day. 

One of the ways I passed the time was by making this "birthday" cake.

December 4, 2010:  Then 2am rolled around, and I began having contractions that were so strong that I could not sleep through them.  Dave got up with me, started timing the contractions, and got some of our things together in case we needed to leave for the hospital.  We were told to leave for the hospital when the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart, lasting at least 60 seconds, and continueing this way for 2 hours. They were consistently about 5-6 minutes apart and after about 5 hours or so, they slowed down, again.    We were able to make it through the rest of our day although I would continue to have contractions anywhere from 4-15 minutes apart.  This exact pattern continued for the next 3 days.

December 5, 2010:  Each day we were doing everything we could to keep our minds busy, and moving around as much as we could to encourage my labor to progress.   This included a trip to Marble Falls for lunch on Sunday, and a visit from Dave's family on Sunday evening. 

We thought for sure that we would have had our baby by the end of that weekend, but no luck.  Dave and I were both absolutely exhausted.  I was so incredibly tired, but I could not sleep long enough to get any real rest.  I was getting about 1-3 hours of sleep a night before the most intense early morning contractions would hit.

Dave was as equally exhausted because he was staying up with me, coaching me through most of the contractions.  I truly needed him.  He was timing the contractions when we thought we needed to.  He would apply counter-pressure on my lower back, I was having a lot of back labor, and we would later find out that it was because of the position that Olivia was in.  He would sit in the bathroom with me when I wanted to labor in the bathtub.  He would go on walks with me when that's what I felt I needed, even when it was 3am in the morning.  He was the DJ the entire time, and would play the Pandora station I wanted to here when I wanted to hear it.  And he was encouraging me to continue to move around through the contractions and use all of the positions that we learned in our classes.   

Something else that kept me going and helped to motivate me were physical signs that I truly was in the early stages of labor.  It was on Sunday that I finally lost my mucous plug and had started to have my bloody show. 

December 6, 2010: Monday morning, we thought FOR SURE this was it.  Contractions started really picking up at around 1am, and we timed them for a couple of hours.  At points they were as close as 2-3 minutes apart, but really ranging anywhere from 2-6 mintues.  They were lasting at least a minute and were this way for more than 2 hours.  We went for a walk at about 3am to see if they would continue.  The intensity of the contractions had finally reached a point that I would have to stop during our walk to work through them. 

On our walk I had a bit of a breakdown.  I was so afraid of going to the hospital too early and getting sent home. But at the same time, I knew that physically I could not continue to keep this pattern of laboring at home with what felt like zero progress.  I was crying my eyes out, then Dave would talk me down and tell me that I was making progress from the beginning, etc.  Then, I would be okay about that but I would start worrying about something else, and it would start all over.  Finally, Dave said, "we are going to the hospital."

At about 4am, we called L&D to let them know to expect us, and Dave called both of our parents to keep them up-to-date.  We packed up the car, said bye to Thor, and headed to the hospital.

Once we got there, we were put into a triage room so that a nurse could check my progress to determine if I was, in fact, in labor.  My contractions had slowed down considerably and were not as intense.  I thought for sure we would be "sent home."  The nurse checked my cervix and found that I was now 3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced.  I was considered in active labor at this point, but because there had been such little progress in 5 days, I was very discouraged. 

We were told that they were going to admit us and I could continue to labor there at the hospital.  The thought of that was a nightmare to me.  I was already so uncomfortable that the last place I wanted to be was in the hospital. I asked the nurse if we would be allowed to go home to continue to labor there.  She had to speak with my doctor, who was not currently there, and get the okay.  Once Dr. Chapman gave us the okay to go home and told us to come right back should the contractions get closer together or should my waterbag break. 

People were curious as to why we would leave to go back home if we were allowed to stay and get admited into Labor and Delivery.  I was still sold on trying to have a med-free and intervention free labor and birth.  Being at the hospital any longer than necessary, makes it a lot less likely of achieving that for a multitude of reasons.  Being at home is ideal because you are on your turf, and you set the rules.  Plus, there is a level of comfort at home that cannot be duplicated in the hospital.

At this point, Dave really needed a break, but said he could not sleep if I were staying up to labor alone.  So we called in the reserves!  Annette came over and met us at the house as soon as we got home from the hospital.  She stayed with me in the family room and kept me company.  She was wonderful and applied counterpressure on my lower back during the nasty contractions.  Dave was able to get a good 4 hour nap in.

Just as he was getting up, Jeani, was a saint and brought us over lunch.  She stayed and visited with us for an hour or so.  It was another wonderful way that helped keep our minds busy.

Shortly after Jeani left, my mom got to our house which allowed for Dave to have another nap.  One nap per mom.   Mom and I actually went out and did some shopping.  I desperately needed a change of scenery and the walking would be good for me.  The contractions were finally starting to really pick up again while Mom and I were out, but they continued to plateau at about 5-6 minutes apart.

Labor is not pretty.

After my mom left, Dave and I settled in for another long evening once again.